Lessons learned by a 1/3 Splenic Projector with Innocence Motivation…

Recently, I had the opportunity to respond to a question posed by a Projector I deeply respect—Sam Zager—regarding the impact of Innocence Motivation in my life. The conversation began on her YouTube video titled “Are You Motivated or Distracted? Innocence Isn’t What You Think It Is.” I had asked her how I might navigate my desire to appear “professional” without falling into Desire transference, or activating my defined ego from a not-self place.

Beneath my question lays a deeper wound—one I’ve carried for years: a longing to be seen and understood by those I once considered my spiritual family. The lack of recognition from people I thought knew me best often made me question whether my need for acknowledgment was a result of my own energetic misalignment. When Sam asked how I experience Innocence Motivation as “unprofessional,” I found I couldn’t answer her in a few simple sentences. It took days of reflection to begin articulating what I’m sharing now—and Sam, if you’re reading this, thank you. Your question unlocked something meaningful in me.

The truth is, it’s difficult to explain the full scope of my career and self-perception without knowing my life story—or reading my Human Design chart. But for those unfamiliar with either, I’ll say this: my journey has always been about reclaiming uniqueness and sovereignty. I’ve come to believe that our longing to be seen for who we truly are isn’t naive or childish—it’s deeply human. And discovering Human Design gave me a framework to understand that this longing, and the pain of misrecognition, were not flaws—but clues pointing toward my purpose.

For those who can read charts, you’ll quickly notice the themes I’m referring to: an open crown that leads to endless questioning, the 58-18 channel that fuels my urge to challenge injustice and improve systems, and a defined ego that craves authentic recognition—yet must be handled with care. Like many Projectors, I’ve experienced long periods of invisibility, misjudgment, and heartbreak. But before Human Design, I couldn’t make sense of why.

When I found the system, everything began to click. I learned that I carry the energy of the Transmitter (Channel 26-44) and the Optimizer (Channel 18-58). I was told by Chetan Parkyn—a respected Projector teacher—that I have the energetic signature of a “heart surgeon,” someone designed to help people focus their energy in the right places. But as a Projector, I’ve had to learn the hard way that not everyone is ready—or correct—for my depth.

My professional path has been anything but linear. I began as a classically trained cellist in Israel and came to the U.S. to pursue a performance career. After graduating from the New England Conservatory, I joined the New World Symphony in Miami Beach. That same week, I met my first spiritual teacher, Mo, and was welcomed into his ashram community. At 23, I was encouraged to support the ashram financially through exotic dancing—a choice I made out of devotion, not yet aware of the toll it would take on my sense of self-worth and recognition.

I spent two decades in that environment, shifting identities (undefined G center), morphing in and out of careers, and unconsciously self-sacrificing (South Node in Gate 27). Though I was recognized and compensated for many of my skills, I was not seen for the depth of my Projector essence. My gifts were welcomed only when they served the community’s needs—particularly financially. Over time, I realized I had been chosen by a central figure, but not truly recognized by my peers. This imbalance deeply affected my projector spirit.

When Mo passed in 2019, a new teacher arrived—Cannabis. She became a sacred ally, guiding me back to myself and eventually leading me to Human Design. With its language, I finally began to make sense of my seemingly unconventional life path. My defined ego found new ways to heal, and I discovered how much my channel 26-44 had shaped my life: a desire to influence others, not from ego-driven ambition, but from a deep place of heart-based truth.

Today, I continue to offer transformational support rooted in my Human Design—while honoring the depth of my past and the innocence of my motivation. I’ve begun to see my professional journey not as fragmented, but as uniquely orchestrated to help others integrate complexity with compassion.

I still process the effects of those early influences. The disillusionment of being misunderstood by those I once called family was profound. But I’ve come to realize: it’s not my job to be understood by everyone. It’s my job to understand myself. My Innocence Motivation teaches me to release control and surrender to right recognition—trusting that my true value will be seen by those who are meant to see it.

As a Projector, I cannot force the world to meet me. But I can continue to honor my design, share my story, and guide others through their own awakening. That, to me, is the essence of professionalism: living aligned with your truth, even when it challenges the status quo.

If you’ve ever questioned your path, felt unseen in your gifts, or longed for deeper recognition of your true nature—you’re not alone. Human Design offered me a map back to myself, and it may do the same for you.